Alyse here . . .
Today, in working with a client, I was reminded of how important it is to our wellbeing to find way to complete with people from the past. By completion I mean taking action to find resolution and peace with past relationships and situations that have troubled us. Completions can free up creative energy. The action we take can be a conversation conducted in our imagination if the person has died. Or, it may be crucial to have a face-to-face conversation to confront baggage from the past.
One way to figure out whether you need to complete is to notice how much energy you are expending on your memory. Do you feel drained or energized when you think of that person or incident? Have you been pushing that memory into the recesses of your mind, only to find the memory runs your internal operating system?
Now here is the caveat. To ensure the success of your completion process, I suggest you process the meeting in detail with a helping professional, such as a coach, prior to tidying up loose ends. While taking action to complete can be very powerful, the results can also be very unpredictable. Go over all the possible reactions, the “what if’s”, benefits and worse case scenarios.
Be clear about what is motivating you. If you want revenge, I suggest you find an alternate way to deal with your anger and hurt such as seeing a therapist. If your motivation includes the following, then go for it:
- processing your and the other person’s behavior to let go of the past
- resolving past differences
- apologizing
- having a heart to heart conversation
Remember, even if you have gone through the process many times in your head, the reality will always different than what you imagine. You may get much more than you hoped for, you might have mixed results or you may be disappointed. Whatever the outcome, realize that just having a face to face meeting at all frees up energy that you have may have tucked away for a long time.
Flying to another state, Sonia confronted her nemesis from the past. Was it a successful meeting? Yes, though not in the way she imagined. She had hoped for a changed person, who had grown and come into his own. Instead she had to accept that the miserable man she had been in relationship with over 20 years ago, was still the same and worse.
For many creative souls who see the glass half full most of the time, this can be a shock. For the realists you may hear yourself saying, “I told you so.” The very courageous act of taking a stand and letting go empowers you to move forward. Results for Sonia include having an abundance of creative ideas, trusting herself more and best of all is ready to allow loving relationships into her life.
Completions are part of the fourth strategy De-Clutter your Life.
Action Step:
Are there completions that you need to address in your life? Make a list. Then put them in order from the easiest first. Take some time to process with a friend, prior to talking to the person on your list. We suggest you process the most challenging completion with a coach, prior to actually talking to the person face to face.
Question:
What is it costing you to keep the hurts from the past locked inside? How much energy would you free up to live your creative life if you let go?
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